I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
