my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
