he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
