I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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