he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
