Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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