I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
