Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
