shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
