But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
