I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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