When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
