1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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