I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
