Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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