sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
