I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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