So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
