im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
