i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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