you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
