Just fell off a train. Bad.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
