You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
