Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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