Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
