are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
