The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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