You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
