she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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