I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I want a musical about memes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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