Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
