Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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