I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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