just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
