I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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