That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
