I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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