Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The best revenge is premature balding
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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