there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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