Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize