Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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