Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
