Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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