party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
