My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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