in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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