i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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