it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My ass is underappreciated
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
