and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
