this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
