she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
