oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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