you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
