So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
