I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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