dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
