I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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