yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
