It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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