is your mom at the bar?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
