I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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