good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
