i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just found puke in my bra..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
