No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
pray to the hookup gods
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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