you win again, gameday.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
