I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
