i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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