I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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