he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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