so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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