My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize