i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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