Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
