just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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